white light

All this violence around little boys must be good for something.
Sigge on top of a little mountain. All dressed up for the cold.
The rest of a castle never built in Haga - Vik and a friend. Notice the sword.

November has been very warm and flowers are starting to come out again. The sun is so low at this time of the year and it gives a very peculiar light. The sky is clear and high. It goes dark at 4 pm. The children are fine.Life goes on as usual and we are settled. Strange to write and strange to feel. Went with Viktor to a kiddies party and it is good to see he ended up in a good group of kids at school. The biggest obstacles are to hang our paintings and plan for book-shelves and little things around the house.

The benefits of a big sister in the house

Viktor is very into his nail polish. When the school organised a pyjama party he insisted on weraing a nightie and Cara said she would thump anyone bothering her brother for wearing a girl's nightie. No thumping was necessary - it is very much a non-issue with little boys in dresses here. Same goes for Marcus and I am happy that these boys are given the possibility to play with jewelry and dresses and dolls. But more than the political correctness and I just love these pictures and I love all the little interactions that take place between all members of our house-hold. I found Marcus like this one day and have no idea who put on the neck-lace on his head.

I have been away for a conference in Innsbruck, Austria. It was good to sleep undisturbed for a few nights, I had time to think and work and talk about my work and I feel much less tired now which is good. I came home to the sad news of my Godfather's death - farbror Sven lived to be 97 years old and died peacefully and painless. But it is becoming clear that my parents' circle of friends are slowly disappearing - oncle Arne Bakken and tante Sigi and farbror Sven and many more - it is sad as I learnt a lot from the oldies and it makes me feel a little lonely in the world, like an umbrella of experienced people is disintegrating slowly above me. Will go and see tant Dagmar, my Godmother, later this week and tell her how important farbror Sven has been in my choice of career, he was my role model of an eccentric free-spirited professor at Karolinska at a time when there was still space for eccentric free-spirited professors in the scientific community. Ramling. Will go and read my book instead!

Halloween 2011

Flying monkey was tired and hesitant towards the green version of me. But heroic stayed up four hours past bedtime to take part in the party.
Love love love ambra's parties
My children! Such little sweet-hearts.

Cara becomes this creepy quiet character - did the same last year.
But most of all she finds a quiet corner and reads magazines whilst the older generation parties.
Too tired and too individualist to repeat 2010 family-theme. I tried to sell the Wizard of Oz theme for a long time. Cara refused to share her vampire theme. Viktor likes Darth Vader. Martin likes lycra (note the bird eating brain through the helmet). I often feel like the wicked witch of the west and brought Marcus as a flying monkey.

weaning is getting different with time.

We try. We make all the politically correct mashes and mixtures, we add no salt. We use only organic fruit and vegs. (Ekolådan rocks). We use only organic cold pressed rapeseed oil. The boy takes a spoon or two, swallows politely and then keep his mouth firmly shut. Friendly but firm is his strategy. Then he stretches out his arms towards our food and grunts. If we don't get it fast enough he shouts but usually Cara or Viktor has managed to sneak some proper food into his mouth long before he gets frantic. Our organic baby mashes usually ends up in the bin. Instead Siggis feeds on spetzle, gulash, pasta with tomato sauce, brownies, fish, rice, whatever the rest of us eats. There might be a survival potential in only eating what others eat. I guess our food tastes more and is of more interesting texture. I feel a little guilty breaking all the recommendations but Sigge decided to wean the South-American way - and who am I to stop him? As long as the majority of his food still consists of porridge, breast-milk and gruel I guess the odd meal won't kill him. It is just a matter of months before we'd let him share our food anyway. And it is fun to see another strong personality develop!

We are back!

still tired but in recovery. Hot chocolate on a fine day in Haga helps!

Another few days without new infections and with undisturbed sleep and we will be just fine. Had another glorious autumn week-end - Martin's sister was visiting and Stockholm decided to show a pretty face. Mid-term break is coming up and it will be good - Viktor is tired and Cara just wants to sit inside and read. I am busy trying to find a way to work more efficiently. Rather than taking time-consuming jumbo-mumbo courses or getting a mentor or join the new national sport of getting a coach I talk to people and ask how they do. Pretty much wherever I can find them, yesterday at the first party in Viktor's class where it is striking that everyone is suffering over the immediate availability through mail and phones. I need to find a space to concentrate on the more important and diffuse aspects of my job than the day-to-day tasks. Which will be a great topic for next weeks developmental meeting with my boss. Now I will start my usual Sunday night work session...

trying to catch three kids smiling is hard

christmas card might be interesting.

Autumn week

The rain is pouring down. I have a brutal migraine. Autumn is here. As beautiful as some days are, as depressing are others. Life distilled. Above pictures of my darlings and sweethearts.

More autumn

So beautiful it hurts. I love autumn.
Sigge has the best little teeth (a total of 2).
Fast food for tired mothers - all kids ate well, Martin was in bed and I didn't have to smell anything offensive with a sore belly.
Sunday night and lots of variations of nighties. Kids washed, fed, run off. All ready for a new week.

Some years ago we met a family on one of our holidays, they had twins that were four years old and a six year old and these lovely lively kids always pulled in opposite directions - like a triangle. We started talking at the dinner - the father was caught in between the twins and begged his uninterested six year old to get some help. The parents were fantastic, smiling ad happy and cool with all these energetic kids. Viktor was extra Rainman that holiday and wouldn't eat anything but olives and cucumber - for two weeks. Standing by the Great Barrier Reef we were talking parental strategies and this cool family swore by smiling, laughing and loving each other a lot - especially during tough times. Such a winning concept!

I often think of them at challenging times and the good thing about having had kids for a good ten years is that I know this awful time of infection upon infection upon infection will eventually finish and life will go back to normal. Until then I try to smile a lot, laugh at least once a day and love everybody a lot. Walking through Stockholm to Viktor's school helps. Today Sigge starting singing to St Mattew's passion and it was wonderful.

Crisp autumn air

Hagaparken is one of my best places in Stockholm. Five minutes away we have the perfect mix of city life and a possibility to get out and smell some soil.
Cara and Viktor are somewhere in the darkness ahead. It is good to have a nearby park where they can bike.
Our little beach was deserted. Should have gone for a dip to wake up!
Cara didn't want to come along for the ride and then she couldn't stop smiling.
Wonderful late autumn sun, cold and clear and sharp. Sigge having wonderful conversation with my sis.
Cara and Viktor ventured down the slope and only fell a little bit. The pictures doesn't really make the slope justice - like Dead Poets Society but with a better view.
every outing is an adventure, here we found that they are rebuilding the path through the park and had to improvise. Viktor thought the prospect of spending a night in the woods exciting, and pointed out the survival advantage in bringing a milk-cow (me) along.

Beyond tired. Infection after infection after infection and lots of wake-up calls in the night. Sigge is developing - with a cold - and sleep is scanty. Viktor is happy to start his day at 5 am, pretending to be Jack Sparrow and duelling invisible fiends all over the flat. Cara has complex social interactions and need complex advice. And I am exhausted, just want to hide in bed for a month or two. But I managed to go to a friends seminar and bumped into one of my ex-supervisors and that reminded me that I am now doing what we talked about in 2005 - it all worked out to be the best possible scenario so I feel extremely unthankful and spoiled when I complain. It is just that I am so very tired at the moment and it would be good with a back-up system. Martin is no better off, haven't seen him for a few days, he isolated himself in the green room with civilization waiting for the cold to pass.

To kick-start myself I dragged the kids and my sister out for an autumn walk - and it worked. Scandinavian crisp, cold autumn air and colors and a little bit of exercise was just what we needed. Might sneak out for a swim tomorrow, think an hour or two on my own with no obligations would be good. The sweetness of summer disappeared into the demands of autumn and it is all very fine as long as we are well but sleep deprivation in combination with colds is awful. Next week might be better!

ten years of parenthood

Cara turned ten - we celebrated with meat - half a cow or so - chocolate cake and time together - Cara brought a friend home after school and will take a couple of friends bowling eventually. No parties this year - the Halloween disco we talked about is not on anymore and we are a little thankful - our evenings are booked out as is. As for who Cara is at the moment - it changes daily and there is no way knowing who she will become eventually. The best chance to get a glimpse of her mind is to go through my photobooth - a couple displayed. Cara has grown a lot lately and it is a privilege to be part of this phase of transition.

Martin and I talked about the first night with Cara, ten years ago, when she was just born, sleeping between us in our double bed and suddenly there were three of us. And we had no idea how to behave with this new being or how life would change. It was sweet to conclude that things turned out good.

Time flies....

Cara is always ready to help wean Sigge - he gets to eat the most unlikely things. Lemon wasn't really his thing. Chocolate ice-cream and pasta with tomato sauce would top his wish list at the moment...

...and our little buberle is already 6 months old, sits up, grabs toys, food and whatever we leave within reach all by himself, pass everything from one hand to the other to the mouth.

The boy has his first cold conciding with new teeth (we think) and it is not pleasant. At the moment he is fast asleep on the floor.

random pictures